Recently my niece joined the group " I blame Disney for my high expectations of men." I had an instant, very strong, negative reaction to this. Thing is, I wasn't entirely sure why... until I thought about it for a few minutes and came up with a few groups, I would consider joining.
I blame Disney for setting up the expectation that your happiness has anything to do with a man. I blame Disney for making me think that a man will solve my problems. I blame Disney for making me believe it's perfectly fine to give up everything in my life for some dude I don't even know because he's f-ing *HAWT*. I blame Disney for making me think that the cute asshole I'm in love with actually has a heart of gold underneath that bad boy exterior. News flash ladies: it shouldn't, he wont, it's not and actually he's just an asshole, get over it.
At the very least the Disney model of men is patronizing toward women, if not outright misogynist. It's not setting your expectations too high, it's setting them far, far too low. You don't need a partner to fix your problems for you, but rather someone who will support and encourage you. Sure, Prince Charming saves Snow White and presumably has money, but is that something to strive for? Is that to be the ideal man? I would hope that a modern woman wouldn't stop at (1) he's pretty (2) he can kick some ass and (3) he got bling or even (4) he's charming. Absolutely none of those things have anythign to do with a successful relationship. (You guys know that, right? Perhaps I hope for too much out of humanity...) Anyway, is Price Charming supportive? Would he make a good Father‡? Is he committed to the relationship, or is he going to bolt when he gets bored in a few years? How does he deal with stress? Does he have problems expressing his feelings? Are his religious views compatible with yours? What your expectations for each other in the marriage?
And Prince Charming - WTF man?! You're going to marry some woman you bare know based simply on a first impression and the fact that she's gorgeous?† DUDE what the hell? Obviously his mommy never explained the meaning of the word "shallow" and why that's not a good thing to be. On that note, I'm disappointed that she's even willing to marry some dude who doesn't know much more than what she looks like. Seriously Snow White, have some self respect!
Then again, according to the Disney world, we all know that how good you are is linked to physical attractiveness, right?†† Obviously skinny, pretty people are "good" and fat, ugly people are either bad or stupid.†††
So ladies please get some damn self respect. I swear to you there are guys out there who (a) are fantastic, interesting, intelligent people who (b) will be loving, supportive and respectful and (c) would make *fantastic* lovers and fathers (if that's your thing). Thing is, you might have to give a little in the looks department to find a man who's not going to judge you solely on your own.
As a parting thought, consider this: Disney only show the initial moments of these relationships. You know, the ones that are fantastic, when you feel all bubbly and giddy? When you're sooooooo in love? Yeah, you know it - the part the doesn't last? It's easy to "be in love" then because your brain is flooded with hormones that make you stupid. A real relationship requires work. It requires commitment and communication and compromise. Yeah, that right compromise. Both of you. If you find the right man, he's going to be giving up just as much as you to make the relationship work; your goal is to find him‡, not some magic, non-existent pretty boy price who you're never going to have any problems with, because he don't exist anymore than you're the perfect little princess who's never going to give him any problems.
As always, as a scientist I'm up for comment/debate, just don't expect to change my mind on much of anything =). I've also allowed my incoherent rambling to be viewed globally... anyone know know any over idiot asshole men? I can bring the feminists and we'll have a good ole' fashioned flame war!
- Carl
‡ Please note that my use of the words "him" and "husband" and "father" is a reflection of the fact that I'm speaking to a mainly heterosexual audience here and I'm in no way endorsing that this is the only path to your own happiness. That and the fact that English is just way too hard to make gender neutral.
† Yes, gorgeous. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes, although Ms. White could put on a few pounds; you ladies need to stop starving yourselves and put some damn meat on your bones... but that's a different rant.
††† Shit, I'm fat and smart... guess that means I'm evil. Dammit dammit dammit!
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